A Word From Tuc: The Dancing Gorilla Tries to Save Face, Fails Miserably


Self-named musical entrepreneur Park Jin Young (aka JYP) is crying metallic tears. That’s right. I mean, how could he not be crying cold and steely tears of sorrow and regret after having completely and utterly failed at his attempt to break into the United States music industry? It’s been nearly five years since JYP first pushed his famed Wonder Girls into the land of cowboys and Indians, and, since then, the only thing worth-while he’s accomplished is beating (the always hunky and dreamy) Nick Jonas in a game of ping-pong.

Mr. Gorilla-face, however, has decided to take advantage of the spirit of the new year to try to save face. Let’s see what he’s got to say, shall we?

I always new how to safely gain money and fame but I always went the other way taking risky challenges. Through those risky challenges, I might lose millions of dollars of fame and money but I know I’ll be gaining billion dollars of wisdom.

That’s why 2012 me and our JYP artists will go after not money, not fame but our risky dreams and challenges to become more wiser and stronger.

Thank you for you love and support!

(Un-abridged version)

I cannot believe my eyes. Holy shit, JYP. Really? You typed “new” when you really meant “knew?”


And that is just on top of this sad attempt to cover up the hemorrhaging organ that is your company’s financial stability. “Wisdom” my ass. Someone please explain to me how throwing away “millions of dollars of fame and money” in exchange for “billion dollars” of worthless sentimental shit is at all wise? Oh, that’s right, IT’S NOT! No matter how much you try to deny it, Mr. Park, in the real world, companies do not run on boxes of imaginary rainbows and sunshine. So how about you stop investing big bucks in the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny hedge funds and start actually turning a monetary profit before your company is as fucked as Giovanni’s secret Pokemon experimentation facility?


I tell ya, J.Y., your ass must be pretty darn jealous of all the shit that’s coming out of your mouth right now.


2 thoughts on “A Word From Tuc: The Dancing Gorilla Tries to Save Face, Fails Miserably

  1. while i agree that companies don’t run on boxes of imaginary rainbows and sunshine, i see nothing wrong with the way he thinks. millions dollars of fame and money can’t buy billions dollars of wisdom.
    and so he’s a risk-taker, that’s fine. i just want to say good luck JYP, you’re gonna need it.

  2. I do applaud his risk-taking mind, as long as that’s what his singers want as well. If he’s having to coerce them and force them to enter markets that they don’t want to, then I think that’s a problem. He’s probably just saying this kind of stuff cuz he needs more money to invest (through the fans buying albums). So he’s sugar-coating his failed attempt by calling it a lesson learned. I just hope he still has millions of fame and money to lose after more years of his billion dollars’ wisdom learned. Cuz that’s just not fair to the singers who worked their ass off.

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