So … I’ve kind of started recapping ‘K-Town’ recently for American K-Pop Fans and thought I’d go ahead and post my recaps here, because I know some of you will read them.
They’re pretty hilarious, actually. Not because I’m some brilliant writer, but because the content is so freaking ridiculous that these things pretty much write themselves.
I’ll be recapping the rest of the season, so enjoy!
Episode 4: “He Said, She Said”
Episode 4 kicks off at Joe‘s apartment, where Joe and Steve are whipping up some barbecue and spewing their manly feelings about Jowe “having problems” (from the shit that went down in episode 3), but as usual, they can’t quite remember the series of events. Something about fists flying. Soon after this short train of thought, Young, the fashionista, enters in a spiked turtle backpack thing, wearing two – yes, two – pairs of pants because “it’s too big,” and that that’s why he “need two pants to hold it up.” Uh-huh.
Meanwhile, Jasmine, Violet and Scarlet, who had been teasing their poor waiter earlier, are discussing the kind of men they chase. Jasmine answers “manly ones”, as if the point of the question flew right over hear blonde head, while Violet responds with an equally mundane “tall”. Scarlet and Jasmine hi-five when they disclose that they both date men of all races and turn to interrogate Violet asking, “why do you only date Korean guys?!”
“It’s just more comfortable for me. Like, sometimes you want to say shit in Korean, and no one can understand and you can just have that comfort, you know?”
Talking behind people’s backs is so last century. It’s all about doing it to people’s faces and under your breath in another language.
Scarlet lets the table know that Asian men don’t really approach her because she’s probably too freaking tall. Which is totally not her problem because dude, she wasn’t born a midget. And as if on cue, Violet asks if size matters.
“Height or penis?” asks Scarlet. “The latter,” answers Violet as we’re pulled into a conversation about penises and their sizes relative to race. We find out that Scarlet is a ‘size’ queen that has exceptional dick-radar, and one time, when she used to be a stripper, she lap-danced on a white guy and could hardly feel his hard-on. Either it was too small to feel or he wasn’t hard at all, but there! That proves the small-penis-ed Asian stereotype has flaws!
“If it fits in my mouth, it’s too small,” Violet says as she holds up a fry to jokingly (?) show the size of Jowe’s penis. And on that note, brunch is ready, y’all.
Back at Joe’s apartment, the boys are describing the typical K-Town girl, who, from what they’re detailing, is a crazy monster who beats the everliving shit out of everything within a three mile radius. Young, who just returned from Korea, says that every girl there is basically a model and a lot more prissy than the monsters in K-Town.
Back at Penis Brunch, Scarlet not-so-smoothly goes right into asking Violet how she and Jowe broke up and what the fuck is up with them two. Very briefly, Violet says that they had a fight, and because she has the tendency to break things off or something, they dusted their hands and went their separate ways. Then Scarlet admits – girl code! – that Jowe had hit on her at the club the night Violet had gone ape-shit on him. Violet curls her lips and takes in the info like nothing … or so we think for now.
Later that day, a concerned Scarlet calls Jasmine for her advice for noraegang night with the gang. Considering that Jowe will be there, and the fact that he had semi-hit on her (her conscious is totes not vibing with this), she doesn’t know whether to put him on blast on the side or in front of the group. Which one will stir up the most drama? With Scarlet, both will probably be equally dramatic events.
And surprise! At the Purple Wine Bar, we join Scarlet and Jowe as she attempts to clear up the air about whatever, because being hit on is pressing, but things quickly turn for the worse, as Jowe, being the explosive douchebag he is, tells her that she’s not his type. And the conversation turns into some odd banter about slutshaming and sticking dicks in things and stuff:
Jowe: “Scarlet, if I wanted to hit on you, I would hit on you and I would admit it,”
Scarlet: “Oh-h-h, okay,”
Jowe: “you’re not even my type,”
Scarlet: “OH, I’m not your type?!”
Jowe: “noo, far from -”
Scarlet: “I’m everyone’s type, baby! I am everyone’s type,”
Jowe: “well, I’m not everyone,”
Scarlet: “I don’t want your ass anyways, and yesterday you called me a ho for no reason. What? I’m a ho cuz I don’t want to fuck you? Cuz I don’t want to deal with some -”
Jowe: “I would make the decision of fucking you, right? Because I’m the one that sticks it in?”
Scarlet: “No. Because unless I open my legs for your stupid ass little tiny dick – ohh, I know. We all know…”
And the conversation pretty much continues to go down this road as Jowe explains how Scarlet looks like a Chinese boy and that Korean guys don’t want her. In the end, Jowe makes sense of it all: Scarlet is obsessed with him and he’s curious to find out why.
That night, everyone meets up at GAAM Karaoke. Steve notices Scarlet giving Jowe the cold shoulder, so they discuss how he hit on her and how it’s a fucking big ass deal. She shares that she overheard Jowe talking behind Steve’s back (may or may not have been in Korean), saying that Steve doesn’t think Jowe is fit to be in their group and that he may be jealous. Hm.
They rejoin the group for soju bombs. Because Scarlet was the last to finish her shot and Young was the first, her punishment is to grant Young one wish. I would have wished for unlimited wishes or something, but Young goes with a lap-dance. While Young is receiving Scarlet-booty in the face, Jowe, phone in hand, records the whole thing and posts it on his Facebook, where, ruh-roh, Young’s fiance So Young sees it and comments:
“Young WTF! Call me right now!”
So what do you guys think will pan out from this episode’s shenanigans? Will Jowe apologize for being such a douche bag and slutshaming Scarlet? Or will he continue to stick his penis in the holes he wants while simultaneously sticking his foot in his mouth?
Does Violet have unresolved beef with Jowe? I believe she’s not quite done with him yet. Especially finding out that he was all up in Scarlet’s junk the night before. That, or she’ll find some petty issue to get mad at and go ape-shit again.
What about Young and his fiance? She did yell at him to call him STAT through Facebook, so I’m sure he’s in for it when he calls her. Or tweets her. Or facebook messages her. This is 2012, after all.
Join me very soon (like, today soon), as I go back to the crazy world of K-Town to recap Episode 5 and 6! And hopefully we’ll develop some actual dialogue about something other than Jowe and penises.
watch episode 4 in full